Problem with Prayer

I'm no pro when it comes to praying, I probably could use a few lessons.  The problem with prayer though is communication, it's all one sided most of the time.  I tell God clearly what I want but I have to guess at what he wants.  How is that fair? 

God knows my trivial requests, a trampoline for the kids.  He knows my urgent serious requests, a job please.  He knows my important requests, support for a family friend dying of cancer.  I ask him, what do you want from me?  What is it that I am suppose to do now? What is your plan for my life? and I get nothing.  I have to sift through a text written centuries before my time by a culture so foreign to me that I cannot possibly understand the meaning behind every word. 

I don't keep a record of prayers and a tally of those answered.  I feel to do so would be testing God and I don't want to tempt fate for the worse.  That takes my thoughts a whole different direction to that of Fate - how much is fate, chance, or personal fulfillment?  How much of what happens in my life is a direct result of answered prayer? or is it just the consequence of actions and decisions made?

I have been lead astray by thinking this must be what God wants because everything is coming together, then it all falls apart.  I've believed that a prayer is in the process of being answered only to find out that things are getting worse not better. 

I'm tired of guessing, I want a road map, I want a detailed outline, I want to know what decision is the right one.  Am I asking too much for a dialog? a relationship where both parties are equally engaged? Probably, after all I am talking about God here.  There is no equality.  I am but an ant, one of thousands on this tiny ball in the middle of the universe.  Maybe the only comfort I can take is that prayer if not heard, is at least helping me define what I want out of life.  Today that happens to be cash flow.

This post was written in 2010 when I was still praying. It has been years since I prayed regularly. Sometimes life knocks that out of you. However, I do see God's hand in my life helping me keep a roof over my head and food in the fridge. - but that is it and most months I don't know how I'll pay rent or eat the next month.

Shannon Peel was a God fearing Optimist once...

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