Online Dating Profile Humour

From March 2016

I re write my online dating profile based on my mood and my outlook on dating at the time. Sometimes I'm serious about my search for Mr. Right and I write a decent, positive, upbeat profile.

Other times I'm fed up. When I get like this my profile write ups take on a life of their own. Although I still try to inflict my words with personality, humour, and creativity. The odd time I get it right, most times I'm completely off my rocker. This profile write up is way off my rocker and has some grains of truth. Can you figure out what is true?

Humorous Profile

I am a bitter, needy, crazy, drama queen and a game playing princess who is looking for a rich guy to save me from all my bad decisions.

I am currently going through a very drama filled divorce with my controlling abusive jerk of an ex-husband who stole all the money and is demanding I pay him child support even though I have all TEN kids with me all the time.

I am bi polar, depressed, and see dead people everywhere I go. I have a direct line to God and he tells me what to do all the time.

At the moment I'm training to be the fattest woman on the planet because it's all about the bass.

I am considering a new career in dentistry or maybe as a hair dresser I haven't decided yet. I am running out of cash so I need to find a job or a rich boyfriend soon. I cant go back to work cause some skank beat me up and took my street corner. So I really need some cash because I am running out of drugs.

I am about to jump off a cliff to my death, so if you want a date, you better ask me out for coffee right away.

You probably should hurry up with that coffee before I google you and start cyber stalking you.

If you are still reading this may I suggest a therapist cause you got issues.

I used to be quite normal, smart, and very sane but then I came on here and the rest is a descent into the hell that is online dating. Just ask my other personalities they're around here somewhere.

Online Dating

Do you ever get fed up with the whole online dating process? I don't know about you but I'm tired of being in some online catalogue. I'm not the prettiest girl, nor am I all that fit, well, to be honest, I'm fat. Still, I know that I am a great person with lots to offer a man, I just can't find one online.

We all make these snap judgements. We don't take the time to get to know someone. We just look, talk a bit and then decide, no the person doesn't have what we're looking for. Notice I said doesn't 'have' as in possess. They may not be successful enough, doesn't have the right car, doesn't have the right job, or the right address. These are deal breakers for lots of women.

Men. They usually just look at a woman and if they like what they see it's a go to at least try to get them into bed. Not sure what things they are needing in a woman to make them want to take a step closer to a relationship.

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Shannon Peel is a Digital Marketing Specialist, writer, and novelist living in the Vancouver area of British Columbia.  Follow her on social media where she writes about marketing, writing, novels, single life, divorce, parenting, and adventures with her Mini Cooper named Tori.