Not a Good Wife

Updated: Apr 27, 2019

I am not the best wife, it's not that I don't love my husband - I do, its just that I can't seem to make him happy. He's a perfectionist and he demands that the house be clean, organized, and everything done. I'm not working and my kids are in school so I have the time to devote to housework. So why don't I?


If I was a great little wifey I'd want to make him happy, I'd be motivated to get the house work done, but I can't. I find it boring and draining. I am easily distracted by my thoughts and anything else that may catch my attention for a moment, no matter how fleeting.


It's not uncommon to find a load of wet laundry in the washer that's been there for a couple of days. A full can of garbage pushed down so much the bag is hard to pull out. Dishes piled on the counter, waiting for the dishwasher to hurry up and clean the dishes from last nights dinner, are always glaring at anyone who walks into the kitchen.


I try to get the house tidied up before my husband gets home and I think everything looks good but he always finds something. He says he isn't looking for it but it just jumps out and screams at him biting me in the ass. He freaks out, loses it after days and days of walking into the same situation day in and day out.


I should care more, I should be striving to be a Sally homemaker extraordinaire but I'm just not wired that way. I spend my day reading books that make me think, listening to podcasts that cause me to wonder, and updates from the newscaster that make me wonder if it's worth it. Sometimes I get creative and make cards or scrapbook my children's childhood. I spend time getting caught up watching missed episodes of my favorite shows online. I go to yoga, I window shop, I go to the library to learn about great resumes and cover letters. Anything to fill the minutes between now and getting back to work.


The kids are home on spring break and I've got a wicked head cold. A head cold is the worst kind of cold because although I feel like crap I don't look sick enough for my husband to get off my case. To top it off he's home with the same head cold and is freaking out on me because I sat down to rest. I've been cleaning the house and getting the kids (and him) lunch and I just sit down to check my email, have a hot tea and he starts yelling at me to finish cleaning the house.


I can't blame him in some ways because I don't get the house completely cleaned and organized. I clean a room or two and then go off and do something else, usually something on the computer. It's never ever 100% done, even the rooms I do get finished are usually destroyed within hours.


The kids are scared to play with anything when he's around because he freaks if they don't clean it up afterwards. Yes they need to learn to clean up after themselves and if they can't maybe they shouldn't be able to play with the truckload of toys in the playroom. I certainly get sick of picking up after them.


My break time is about up - I had 1/2 hour to check email (and vent here) before I get harassed again for not getting everything done. The good news is that my head is so clogged up I can't think straight so I don't get distracted from doing thoughtless chores.


I can't focus. I have a lot to do but everytime I clean, do laundry, or whatever my mind wonders and I start thinking about other things. Once I start thinking about other things I stop what I'm doing and do something else. I forget to go back to the original task or I miss a lot. I won't see the dirt or I'll clean the fridge but forget about cleaning the door of the fridge. I'll wash socks but forget to put them into the dryer.


Menial household tasks do not engage my mind enough for me to stay focused or on task. Multi tasking has become an excuse for not completing everything I start.


Tasks that engage my mind keep me focused and engaged until I'm finished but there are few household duties that do. When I don't use my mind regularly I get lazy and can't seem to get it together. When this happens I don't know where to start or what to do, I put off things over and over because they bore me.


The times I am productive are the days I start out creating a list of tasks that need to get done and then stay focused on doing them. I fill my day with things to do and goals to meet. However after days of being home alone doing boring thoughtless tasks I lose my focus, my lists, and my goals. I need to feel productive and that what I am doing has a purpose, somehow I haven't found that in cleaning toilets over and over again.


I want to be able to have a showhome type attitude to my daily cleaning and tidying up but I get to a certain point and can't get any further. "That's good enough" has become a mantra that I don't like to have. When I'm at work outside the house I always go above and beyond with little or no effort but at home it takes lots of effort just to get to good enough.


If my brain would stop while I worked and I could stay on task while tidying up the kids rooms for the umpteenth time I could do it. I wouldn't miss the big blob of dried on jam on the bottom shelf of the fridge. I'd be able to get at all the dust in every corner of every room without a problem. If my brain would just stop thinking for an hour I'd get so much more done.

I don't hand wash anything, if it can't go into the dishwasher I don't want it. As 'The Lazy Housewife,' hand washing is too much work for me. In our former residence, which we built, I made sure I purchased the best dishwasher available in 2000. I didn't want to wash my dishes before the dishwasher did and I certainly wanted to be able to pile as many dishes as possible into the machine. You never really appreciate what you've got 'til its gone.

We are currently renting a house where the appliances were the best offered in the early 80s and the dishwasher has seen better days. I am so frustrated because I have to not only rinse my dishes before they go into the dishwasher, but I have to soak them in soapy water. I can't pile dishes into it, only a few at a time making sure nothing is covering any other item. I might as well hand wash ... heaven forbid!

When we finally do obtain the purchase of that perfect house it has to have a state of the art dishwasher and if it doesn't - one will have to be put in before I move in. Although anything newer then what I have now has got to better. I have to empty it 3 times a day ... last time I ran a dishwasher that much I had 6 kids for breakfast lunch and snack time on top of the usual family of 4 mess.

The next dishwasher must be able to create enough water pressure to blast any stuck on mess off any dish or pot. It must have enough space to hold almost all my dishes at once. It should come with an extra boost of heating the water to ensure all bacteria is annihilated and if it was able to empty and fill itself it would forever be in my kitchen.


I'm gonna go nuts. Stay at Home mom's that are good at caring for their families needs are something to be cherished. No wonder my husband is always pissed off at me, I suck at housekeeping, laundry, and cooking. I am going cabin crazy and could use an afternoon with friends.

I have a girlfriend who gave up her own aspirations, goals, and needs to care for her family. She became a different person and did a very good job as a stay at home mom for the first few years, then became quite depressed. A few years ago she decided to do something for herself and start a new career, which her husband didn't agree with. Today they are divorced and she is still trying to get her career off the ground and he continues to make it difficult for her.

I just can't seem to bring myself to do the best job of cleaning, laundry, and cooking. It's not that I don't care about my family or don't love them. I know I need to do a better job but I am so much happier when I am working outside the home. I have no problem putting in the extra effort at the office, I just can't get it together when I'm home with nothing to do but clean and cook.

Women that can work hard taking care of their family deserve so much more recognition and appreciation then they get because it isn't easy to put others first; no matter how much you love them.


I don't hand wash anything, if it can't go into the dishwasher I don't want it. As 'The Lazy Housewife,' hand washing is too much work for me. In our former residence, which we built, I made sure I purchased the best dishwasher available in 2000. I didn't want to wash my dishes before the dishwasher did and I certainly wanted to be able to pile as many dishes as possible into the machine. You never really appreciate what you've got 'til it's gone.


We are currently renting a house where the appliances were the best offered in the early 80s and the dishwasher has seen better days. I am so frustrated because I have to not only rinse my dishes before they go into the dishwasher, but I have to soak them in soapy water. I can't pile dishes into it, only a few at a time making sure nothing is covering any other item. I might as well hand wash ... heaven forbid!


When we finally do obtain the purchase of that perfect house it has to have a state of the art dishwasher and if it doesn't - one will have to be put in before I move in. Although anything newer then what I have now has got to better. I have to empty it 3 times a day ... last time I ran a dishwasher that much I had 6 kids for breakfast lunch and snack time on top of the usual family of 4 mess.


The next dishwasher must be able to create enough water pressure to blast any stuck on mess off any dish or pot. It must have enough space to hold almost all my dishes at once. It should come with an extra boost of heating the water to ensure all bacteria is annihilated and if it was able to empty and fill itself it would forever be in my kitchen.


This wasn't supposed to be my life, this wasn't the plan. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom and yet, here I am at home raising my kids and caring for my family. I have no career to speak of and my identity is wrapped up in my family. It wasn't supposed to be this way, I was suppose to do something with my life, to be more than this. Yet here I am waiting.


Ever feel like life hasn't worked out for you? Like you are on the wrong path or in a rut? So many of us are not living up to our potential or not doing what we had hoped we would be. When I hear about old high school friends who are out jet setting and seeing the world, I cringe inside. I see career women dropping their kids off at activities and they look like they have their whole life so put together and I am envious.


Where do you wish life had taken you? What would you have done differently? There is so much I would have done different if I had only had the guts to do it. I would have travelled more, chosen a better career, and I would have waited longer to have my kids.


Do you sometimes wonder where all the time went? I see young mom's out shopping and think - hey that's suppose to be me. I have babies, don't I? I turn around and see my babies are growing up and I am left alone at home waiting for school to be over. My life wasn't suppose to be like this.


I have done a lot these past 10 years and I have worked, stayed home, worked from home, and now I am about to start off on another adventure in the workforce. Starting at the bottom again, at entry level in my mid 30s. I should be more by now but I'm not. I am who I am and that is going to have to be enough for now. Maybe by my mid 40s I will have everything I ever wanted out of life, and then again maybe not. I'm tired of the road I'm on though, time to make a change and take a different route, do I turn left or right?


Are you ready to make a difference in your life? Oprah always has some challenge going on to help you do just that. The latest - a 21 day challenge to detoxify the soul.


I am trying to get a hold of my time so that I am not wasting it and getting more done around the house. My goal right now is to make sure there is enough healthy food available to make lunches easily and after school grab n go snacks. By organizing tasks into blocks of time I can be more efficient.


Monday's I get all my shopping for the week done. I'm out of the house all day driving from one store to the next and then spend the rest of the day putting everything away.

Tuesday's I bake and prep food for the freezer or into snack packs for the kids. I just bought a Rival Seal a Meal,*** I plan on getting more prepping done to make cooking meals the rest of the week easier. I bake a lot on Tuesday's so that I'm cleaning up the mess once and utilizing ingredients for more than one recipe.


Wednesday's I clean the main level of the house and do laundry. I'm not very good at cleaning so it does take me a lot longer than most people. Laundry seems to be never ending but the bulk of it gets done.


Thursday's I book any appointments the kids need, ie doctor, dentist, activities, etc. I use this time to plan meals for next week, organize time and stuff... the rest of the day is "me" time.

Friday I clean the upper level and get the rest of the laundry done.


Not sure how this system is going to work out. I have a friend who plans out her time this way and seems to get everything done, is not stressed out, and stays in budgets. If I look at being a stay at home mom the same way I organize myself when I'm a working mom I should be able to save money, have healthy food on hand, and get everything done. Well, maybe......


*** After using up the whole roll trying to get a handle on the Rival Seal a Meal I have decided that it is good for freezing meat and that's about it. When I buy a large amount of meat, ie a warehouse pack or a huge chunk of beef from Costco, it will keep portions frozen better. If I ever get ambitious enough I can add marinade before I seal it, although it would become very messy when the air vacuums out - so maybe not.


To start your day off so frustrated and annoyed with all the chaos around me and not enough sleep is the worst way to start a day. I still have boxes to unpack and since my husband has yet to re assemble most of the furniture I have no where to put most of the stuff, including the kids clothes. After months of living in boxes my patience for disorganized chaos has finally worn itself out.


The kids have a lot to do with my frustration level today, they've always been hard to get out of bed and get going in the morning and today was no different. I ended up yelling and my daughter ended up in tears. Tears work on her daddy and her brother but not on mommy when mommy has had it with her antics. After 10 minutes without a response or even a look in her direction she finally picked out clothes and got dressed while laughing and talking to her big brother. I got to say her crying to get her way bit is pissing me off to the enth degree.

If this morning is any indication of how the rest of my day is about to go I may as well go straight back to bed. Considering the rain outside that may not be such a bad idea, afterall I'm behind already what's another day!

Posts are from 2010 - My husband didn't last long after I posted these

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