How to Heal Emotionally
This is a partial excerpt from an interview to read the full interview on how to heal emotionally after trauma click here.
I was recently interviewed by Pirie Jones Grossman for an article about healing after a dramatic life change for Authority Magazine and Thrive Global.
Here is an excerpt
I grew up outside of Enderby, BC Canada. My family life was the stuff of 1950s/60s TV shows. I grew up in a bubble where people had jobs, parents stayed married, grandparents lived close, and we never felt we did without. My parents worked hard to give us the perfect middle class life in a rural area where most kids didn’t have much. We lived outside, played sports, and went to church. Practicality, fiscal responsibility, hard work were the values both my parents modelled.
What are the top three qualities that you possess that have helped you accomplish so much?
Independence. I was born independent. My parents nurtured this natural quality by giving me the space to figure things out for myself. I rarely asked for help, which gave me the confidence to do whatever I wanted to do without needing someone to hold my hand. I didn’t hesitate to go on long road trips by myself with my new month-old son. I didn’t think twice about going tent camping alone with my 3-year-old son and 3-month-old daughter, then made the best of things when it started to snow. When I’m faced with a problem, my first reaction is to solve the problem by myself and move things forward. Independence has helped me be successful, but it is also the reason I struggled when my life fell apart.
Stubborn tenacity. I’m a Taurus born in the year of the ox, there is no one more stubborn than I am. This can be a good thing as I keep going and eventually persevere by sheer force of will. As a business owner, my stubborn tenacity sees me through the tough times, however when things are not working and the bank account is a beautiful shade of dark red, I wonder if I made a wrong turn at Albuquerque and I’m kicking a skeleton instead of a horse. Stubborn tenacity has kept me alive during the darkest of times, but I also ended up black and blue from hitting my head on the brick wall.
"How to Heal" was one of the most searched terms in 2021.
What are your “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change?
1. Find support in the form of a professional counsellor or psychologist who is willing to listen to you. I found a therapist who was a good listener and provided me with feedback about who she saw in the chair across from her. For decades, I’d heard how I didn’t measure up from those who professed to love me, I believed them. Having a therapist who saw me as strong, intelligent, capable, and talented calmed the emotional storm within me and gave me the confidence to believe in myself.
2. Understand people have different abilities, skills, strengths, and needs. Accept them for who they are and don’t expect them to show up how you want them to show up. My best friend through school and life was always the one needing my help. When my life fell apart and I was emotionally suffering, her dismissive comments, harsh tone, and inability to show up was causing me emotional pain. I loved her, I still do, but I still had to step away to heal. She didn’t have the skills to be there for me in the way I needed her to be. I needed to stop calling her when I was in pain and needed a listening ear. When she called, I kept the conversation to 15 minutes. If she wanted to do something or needed help, I would politely tell her I was busy. She soon disappeared from my life. I don’t fault her or think badly of her. Unfortunately, my situation meant we couldn’t be friends at that time. By understanding her, I was able to remove the emotion from the situation and continue to love her.
5. Face your fear and learn to be alone. Getting divorced scared me because I’d never been without someone to help pay the bills (I was married young). Not having my kids living with me and being needed on a daily basis was unthinkable. I was scared I had no value because I didn’t have a career. I was scared of being poor. I was scared of not being able to support myself. I was terrified I’d be a bad mom. I feared being seen as a failure. Well, life made me face all of these things in short order and I’m still breathing. By being alone, I got to know myself and learned I enjoyed being alone. The longer I was alone, the more I remembered who I am. I’m the kid who lived in the middle of nowhere, played by herself, and didn’t need to call a friend to hold her hand to go to the bathroom. During the time I spent isolated, I remembered I am a loner with big dreams.
Click the button to read the full article and other articles about healing after dramatic loss or change.
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